Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize