He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
