He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We have started to decorate penises.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
