Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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