the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
