And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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