i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
