We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
