Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
