My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
