jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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