3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
