And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
