he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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