I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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