he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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