walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
