I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
