god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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