You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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