Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
