I should be sponsored by Trojan
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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