Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
