You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
