i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
