Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
