i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
