Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
