i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
