found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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