My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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