It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
