what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
