Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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