Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
