So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
