Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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