I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
