Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
