Pappa wants mamma naked
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i dont even know how to be here
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
