And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
