I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
