I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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