I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
