Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
