he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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