Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
