My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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