broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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