I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
