At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
