he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
