yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
