tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
