Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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