I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
