checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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