what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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