Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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