the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize