Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
