Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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