What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
