Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
