A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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