You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
