Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
