Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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