Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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