His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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