So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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