I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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